12 1/2 x 12 1/2 by cool

It’s not quite Icanhascheezburger.com, but for those of us old enough to remember LPs, here’s a fun site that uses LP covers to create optical illusions. (h/t: First Draft)

Mindless, pointless celebrity news, leavened with redeeming snark

Says here that Madonna is using testosterone cream as a kind of anti-aging agent but that it has given her chest hair … to which White House-plagiarism-exposing ex-journo and all-around cool blogger Nancy Nall says, “I’m sure that goes really well with her [penis].” (Darn this PG rating I keep imposing on myself. Or was it PG-13? Anyway.)

Happy Birthday, buddy!

Seven years ago today he came calmly into the world with his thumb in his mouth (just where we’d seen it during an ultrasound a couple of weeks prior) and his eyes on pretty much everything.

Happy birthday, Hooper. We love you.

(We’re having a family birthday dinner. He gets to choose, and he’s torn between McDonald’s and Burger King.)

Safe sex, or, There’s a reason why women say, “Take it slow … “

Top 10 Reasons Why Sex at the Speed of Light Is Not an Advisable Form of Procreation:

7. Relativistic flaming semen:
In the unlikely event that a vaporised penis can perform ejaculation, then the relativistic semen will create enormous air resistance, burst into flames almost instantaneously, and generate enormous impact forces. These forces will be sufficient to pierce a small hole straight through a woman’s lower torso, just like a speeding bullet, only incinerating the surrounding tissue as it passes through.

Y’all be careful out there.

Overheard while walking the dog

“Hooper, you little miscreant! Daddy, he’s tailing me!”

Muhammad a Panther again?

Gerald says the Panthers have gotten WR Muhsin Muhammad back from the Bears. Interesting if true. It may yet be true, but I doubt it’s true yet: The free-agent signing period doesn’t start ’til Friday.

If true, what would it mean? Looking past the nostalgia, it’s tempting to think that Muhammad is on the down side of his career. His numbers during his past three seasons in Chicago:

2005: 64 catches, 750 yards, 11.7 ypc, 4 TDs
2006: 60 catches, 863 yards, 14.4 ypc, 5 TDs
2007: 40 catches, 570 yards, 14.3 ypc, 3 TDs

Only the yards-per-catch numbers are really respectable. That said, Chicago’s offense wasn’t exactly pass-happy.

But if his skills haven’t atrophied too much he might still be the kind of big possession receiver who could take some of the heat off Steve Smith. The team still needs another true deep threat, of course.

UPDATE: It’s a done deal, and unsurprisingly, David Carr has been cut. A good move.

The Elite Liberal Media notice the ‘Cats

The New York Times on the Wildcats, here.

I’m kind of a pessimist by nature, so the more I’ve thought about the ‘Cats’ chances the past few days, the more I think it’s this year or never for them. Why? A point guard who can lead the nation in assists won’t come along again at Davidson in my children’s lifetimes, and at this point in the season that might matter more than Stephen Curry — that’s what will save the team, if anything does, when Curry is out or hampered.

I’m with the Times: The ‘Cats will have to win the SoCon tourney to go to the dance. Life’s not fair, but that’s how things are. So that’s what I’m hoping for. That, and something at least a little better than a 16 seed.

Hot-rod Hooper

The biggest virtue of Hooper’s Pinewood Derby car was that, as much as possible, it was his work, not mine. Which meant a flat and irregular paint job and nowhere near the weight it needed to be competitive, among other things.

But when we took it in on Friday night for registration and impound, one of the other parents, a guy named Robert Jacke, took pity on us and within 20 minutes had assembled the weights, epoxy and metallic tape needed to bump the car up as close to the maximum 5 ounces as possible — if you want to call 4.9955 ounces close. I do.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to watch the race Saturday, having had to take V. to the doctor. (Strep and another ear infection.) But apparently he took 2nd place in his den.

So, thanks very much Mr. Jacke, for the last-minute help. It made Hooper’s experience a lot more enjoyable.

Friday Random 10, Saturday night/Sunday morning edition

Offspring — Want You Bad
Joan Jett — I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll
Connells — Gauntlet
Led Zeppelin — When the Levee Breaks
Bob Dylan — You’re a Big Girl Now
Graham Parker — Strong Winds
Paul Simon — Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes
Clash — Clampdown
The Drapels — Young Man
Everclear — Heartspark Dollarsign

lagniappe: Lou Reed — Strawman

A confession

I do not come to my blog this week with clean hands.

Literally. On Monday, I got greased up good when I had to change a tire. Today, there was an unfortunate ballpoint-pen-related incident. In both cases, getting my hands completely clean was, well, problematic.

So please use a tissue when you adjust your monitor. That is all.

UPDATE: Getting soot on my hands from trying to close the chimney damper is not helping my frame of mind on this subject.

Yeah, she’s ready

Victoria, being a North Carolina public-school fourth-grader, has a state writing test coming up in a couple of weeks. She generally doesn’t sweat testing of any sort too much, even when, as now, teachers are making a big deal about it. And this became clear when she brought home the results of a recent practice test.

The tests are graded 1 to 4 by two different readers, 4 being highest. Victoria’s test was, if I recall correctly, to write about a real or fictional journey. She wrote a story about a magic ring that let her travel to any three places she wanted to go. I forget where one of the places was, but the other two were backstage with Miley Cyrus and in a soccer game with Mia Hamm. One reader gave her a 4. The other gave her only a 3 and said she should have explained more fully who Cyrus and Ham were.

I thought V. might be a little down about that. Instead, she said something like, “Has this person never heard of CONTEXT CLUES? Hel-LO! Backstage? Performer? Hel-LO! Soccer field? Soccer game? Soccer PLAYER? Hel-LO! CONTEXT CLUES! Hel-LO!”

I’d say it’s game on.

Loaded lemons

I get my water without lemon in restaurants, just because I don’t like the taste. Turns out, however, that there’s another reason to go lemon-free.

Dodging a bullet spear

In a perfect world, I’d have been able to go see Davidson play UNCG here last night, perhaps bringing the kids. In the world we live in, we went to a Lenten church service, then went home to put the finishing touches on the kids’ Valentine for Mommy.

Pity. We missed a game for the ages, it seems. Down 60-43 in the second half, the Wildcats rode Stephen Curry to come back and win by 5.

UNCG’s middle-of-the-pack SoCon standing is misleading; the Spartans have more talent, and are more dangerous, than their record indicates. The Wildcats easily could have lost (and could do so when the Spartans visit Belk), and I would not have been surprised if they had. That said, if Davidson’s post-season hopes are to be anywhere close to realized, this was the kind of game in which the ‘Cats had to dominate.

Two observations: First, without Stephen Curry, the ‘Cats become not just ordinary but vulnerable. Teams that are going anywhere in the postseason can’t be that one-dimensional; one bad half and your season’s over. Second, with him, they can play with anyone in the country, as we saw vs. UNC and Duke, among others. Whether they can close the kind of deal they’ll have to close in the postseason remains an open question, but Wednesday night’s result keeps hope alive.

Toured the mansion? Man, I own the mansion.

Yeah, that’s right — billion, with a B. I didn’t just tour the mansion, I moved in with all my stuff, turned up the music and had Lurch start bringing me drinks.

The regular score display turns over to zero after you pass a billion. But as you can see, the game knows, and attention is paid.

I didn’t keep track of how long the game took. I’m guessing between 30 and 40 minutes.

How cool is that

I wrote here about the performing-arts magnet school in DeKalb County, Ga., that is named after my great-grandfather, the first Hooper Alexander. Today I got a call from a woman down there who said the school board is discussing whether to replace that facility with a performing-arts complex.

Wow.