Blog on the Run: Reloaded

Wednesday, January 7, 2004 6:08 pm

Dysfunctional parents

Filed under: Why, yes, I AM a bad parent. Why do you ask? — Lex @ 6:08 pm

I’m delighted to say that, compared to Mimi, neither my kids nor I know much about this subject.

… the real family-legend payoff is when your kids are sitting around the bong their freshman year of college and talking about the strange things their parents did to them. For instance, my mother once got fed up with us being all like “uhh…I don’t know” when she asked us to help her plan meals, so she made an All-Patty Dinner. Salmon patties, zucchini pancakes, and potato pancakes. Your classic suburban protein/vegetable/starch, only in futuristic dystopian disk format. And my father used to f— with me all the time, in particular by helping me prepare a contingency plan in case he was replaced by an exact-replica cyborg. We had a series of code questions and answers that could be used to determine that my dad was in fact my real flesh-and-blood dad, and all I have to say about that is I WAS FIVE! I WAS CONCERNED THAT THIS CYBORG THING WAS A REAL POSSIBILITY! JESUS, DAD!

**sighs** Memo to self: Never do this or anything like it. Because some most days the real possibilities are scary enough.

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