Blog on the Run: Reloaded

Friday, April 30, 2004 10:31 pm

Pulp Poop fiction, or, Best. Book. Title. Ever.

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 10:31 pm

Among the biggest sellers in books for very young readers: “Zombie Butts from Uranus.”

For additional visual comedy, recall the fact that zombies survive by feeding on the brains of the living.

That’s officially the best book title of all time, surpassing “Dwarf Rapes Nun, Flees in UFO.”

Thursday, April 29, 2004 9:36 pm

Happy Birthday to a great American

Filed under: Salute! — Lex @ 9:36 pm

That’d be JennySlash, who turns mumble, mumble today.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 9:50 pm

How big is the Queen Mary 2?

Filed under: Woohoo! — Lex @ 9:50 pm

Krissa, on the way out of her old digs and into her new ones, gives you a picture and says (and boy howdy, how I’m paraphrasing) that it’s pretty darned big.

Happy birthday to a great American

Filed under: Salute! — Lex @ 9:24 am

That’d be my dad, who’s 74 today.

Monday, April 26, 2004 9:42 pm

Our Final Jeopardy answer: “To see what happen, Daddy!”

Filed under: Hooper — Lex @ 9:42 pm

The question: “Hooper, why’d you dump Jell-O and grapefruit chunks into the toaster?”

A new translation of the Bible

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 9:40 pm

There’s the King James Version, the New International Version, and now, the Lego version. (The site might be swamped; it was getting a lot of traffic earlier today.)

Sunday, April 25, 2004 1:30 pm

Of course God exists. It’s just you’ve offended him.

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 1:30 pm

A friend writes: “Because some friend of [my daughter’s] backed out at the last minute, I’m stuck with a $60 ticket to Kenny Chesney. Because I’m too freakin’ cheap to waste it means I’m going to Kenny Chesney tonight.

“Tell me again your evidence that God exists.”

Saturday, April 24, 2004 8:33 pm

Happily ever after

Filed under: Weird — Lex @ 8:33 pm

As I mentioned a few days ago, I haven’t played video games regularly in more than 20 years. But apparently even regular gamers are a bit surprised by this development: Some games now feature gay marriage. Now, a lot of guys have been pretending to be girls online for a long time, but I have to wonder how many straight guys are going to choose to pretend to be gay, even if it’s just online.

Friday, April 23, 2004 1:30 pm

Agnosticism with attitude

Filed under: There but for the grace of God ... — Lex @ 1:30 pm

A friend writes: “Because some friend of [my daughter’s] backed out at the last minute, I’m stuck with a $60 ticket to Kenny Chesney. Because I’m too freakin’ cheap to waste it means I’m going to Kenny Chesney tonight.

“Tell me again your evidence that God exists.”

Thursday, April 22, 2004 8:51 pm

No candles, no ice cream, no cake, no booze. Just snark.

Filed under: Housekeeping,Woohoo! — Lex @ 8:51 pm

Blog on the Run turns 2 today.

Worship me, mortals.

Columbine: Self-aggrandizement via slaughter

Earlier this week was the fifth anniversary of the mass killing at Columbine High School in Colorado by two teens, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the worst school shooting in history.

We “learned” a lot about them and the crime in the weeks and months afterward … most of which, it now seems, was wrong. In particular, Dave Cullen writes in this scary, fascinating article on Slate, we know these important things:

  • The shooting was never intended to be the worst “school shooting” in history. In fact, it was intended to be, and almost became, among the biggest mass murders in history.
  • The killers were not depressed outcasts, taking revenge for the abuse inflicted upon them by their social betters. In fact, Eric Harris was a psychopath (the term, unfortunately, is never defined in one place in the article, but it’s discussed enough to make clear that the meaning probably isn’t what you think) who probably bullied the more depressed but also more empathic Klebold into joining him in what he saw as self-aggrandizement via slaughter: “Harris was not a wayward boy who could have been rescued. Harris, [psychologists on the case] believe, was irretrievable. He was a brilliant killer without a conscience, searching for the most diabolical scheme imaginable.”

The case contains only the grimmest of silver linings: “If [Harris] had lived to adulthood and developed his murderous skills for many more years, there is no telling what he could have done. His death at Columbine may have stopped him from doing something even worse.”

It’s unpleasant, but probably essential, reading.

You’re fired. And maybe sued or indicted.

Filed under: Black-box voting — Lex @ 8:33 pm

California’s Voting Systems and Procedures panel recommended today, by an 8-0 vote, that the secretary of state should ban 15,000 Diebold touch-screen voting machines from this fall’s elections. It also recommended that a state report on alleged failings of Diebold in California be forwarded to the attorney general’s office for possible criminal charges against the company.

If you don’t know what that’s about, buy the book and find out.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004 10:05 pm

Man, could I use one of these …

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 10:05 pm

The interspecies intelligence indication cylinder.

UPDATE: I just linked to the cartoon rather than showing it AND linking because it’s a big file and I’m trying to save space.

Footprints on the windshield

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 10:02 pm

I happened to be driving to Elon and back at midday today and thoroughly enjoyed Melinda Penkava’s interview on WUNC-FM with Dan Neil, the LA Times motor-vehicle critic (yes!) who just won a Pulitzer Prize in criticism for his columns about cars. He’s a New Bern native and used to write similar columns for The N&O until he got fired for the telling detail to which the title of this post refers. This story, by the way, has grown into journalism legend here in North Carolina.

After that, he freelanced for a variety of outlets, including The New York Times. Only last September he joined the LA Times, where the editors got the idea to enter him in the 2004 Pulitzer competition before he’d even been there long enough to produce the 10 columns — he writes weekly — needed to constitute an entry, forcing them to sit on their desks and drum their fingers until he’d churned out enough reviews. (Actually, he says, he gave them 16 and they culled the requisite 10 out of that, but even that means he was working either Thanksgiving week or Christmas week if I’m counting right.)

The guy’s as funny on live radio as he is in print, and as for how funny he is in print, let me just share with you the ledes of his two most recent columns, the only ones that haven’t yet disappeared behind the Times’ pay-archive firewall:

  • April 21: The most lucid thing the Marxist critic Walter Benjamin ever wrote is the essay “The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction,” written in 1936, during an apparent dry spell in Berlin’s hashish supply.
  • April 14: Sir Isaac Newton was English, as anyone who tasted his cooking could tell you.

Melinda’s show, “The State of Things,” appears to have audio archives, so go give Dan a listen.

Full disclosure: Melinda’s been a friend of mine since 1986, when I met her at a club in Chapel Hill to which she had come with her future husband, who is one of my ex-bosses from the radio bidness. They live in Oriental, where her husband, now a consultant, also runs this site on Oriental and Pamlico County.

My taste: Not universally shared

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 8:06 pm

I’m not a big fan of “Lord of the Rings” or of Peeps, the candy that inexplicably becomes popular, particularly in the South, around this time every year. (I also don’t like iced tea and NASCAR. Sue me.) But because I recognize that many people are fans of both, and that some of them might even read Blog on the Run, without further ado I link you to:

“Lord of the Peeps: Fellowship of the Peep”

The last weight-loss aid you’ll ever need

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 6:21 pm

In my previous life as quote health/medical editor unquote, I somehow got placed on the mailing list for The Placebo Journal. I’m not sure exactly what it is, other than a satiric take on the practice of medicine, but one of its products is posters with parody advertisements for medications, as above. Click on the image to see more; the Myagra one is priceless.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004 6:10 pm

Who knew?

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 6:10 pm

Apparently, there’s soap … and then there’s The Soap.

There’s even a blog about The Soap.

After reviewing the material, I have two thoughts:

  • “Arsoa” sounds more like a war-profiteering corporation than a soap.
  • Like Mercedes-Benzes in the ’70s and cocaine in the ’80s, a $38 bar of soap is God’s way of telling you that you have too much money.

(Thanks to Mimi for the link.)

You know it’s time to lose weight when …

Filed under: Fun,Odds 'n' ends — Lex @ 12:39 pm

… your love handle snaps the antenna off your belt-mounted cell phone.

Monday, April 19, 2004 9:12 pm

Computer noises … or metal silicon machine music?

Filed under: Weird — Lex @ 9:12 pm

You be the judge. (Be sure your sound is on.)

Sunday, April 18, 2004 10:15 am

Critters ‘n’ varmints ‘n’ pests, oh, my!

Filed under: Y'all go read this — Lex @ 10:15 am

The Real Live Preacher recently had to evict an unwelcome set of raccoons from his house. Against all odds, it turned into a funny story with a mostly happy ending, so you should go read it whether or not you’re religious.

Saturday, April 17, 2004 6:41 pm

Limping tiger

Filed under: Tigers — Lex @ 6:41 pm

The Tigers jumped out to a 4-0 lead in the first quarter today, then cruised to a 6-1 win over the Buttercups.

E. scored the opening goal, after which F. netted three straight, two on breakaways.

The Tigers spent almost all of Friday’s practice working on stopping and passing, and it showed today: Their dribbling was more controlled and nuanced, their passing more deliberate and effective. They actually missed a couple of chances for breakaways because they were focusing so hard on short, crisp passes instead of the long kick, but it didn’t end up hurting them.

V. didn’t score (although she knocked it off the iron twice, once from between two defenders) but once again had some great defensive plays. She also played a ton of minutes. In the fourth quarter she got knocked down and landed on her right knee, but after a couple of tears she shook it off and kept playing. When the game was over, it looked a little swollen, however, so we brought her home, elevated the knee and iced it down. At this writing, she says it feels “very better,” so I’m relieved.

Final game of the spring season is next Saturday. Weather just like today’s would be perfect.

Thursday, April 15, 2004 9:18 pm

Whither the U.S. and Israel?

Filed under: Podcast — Lex @ 9:18 pm

I know squat about the Middle East, so I have no idea whether our new understanding with Israel regarding settlements is a good idea or not.

Larry, usually snarkily pro-Israel, says it’s a case of the U.S finally doing the right thing.

Billmon, on the other hand, seems to think we just bought ourselves another generation of violence in the Middle East. But other than the fact that no one ever went broke betting on violence in the Middle East, I’m not sure whether there’s any basis for believing he’s right.

Anyone who actually knows anything about the subject care to enlighten me? Anyone? Bueller?

Commentary on political commentary, or, Strike up the band!

Filed under: Housekeeping — Lex @ 10:42 am

I’m ashamed to say I haven’t visited some of my favorite blogs recently as often as I should. Thus, I’m late to this gem from Beau:

“I’ll just say that this argument has one straw man and probably two sweeping generalizations. Granted, so do several of the last posts in what has now turned into a mundane left-right discussion. If you guys would alternate more precisely, we’d have a Sousa march.”

That pretty much covers the political precincts of the Blogosphere, I think.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004 7:39 pm

Friendly advice

Not friendly legal advice, mind you, because — say it with me, kids — I am not a lawyer. But: Don’t. Talk. To. Cops.

(Thanks to FrogRabbitMonkey.)

Not just hot air?

Filed under: Weird — Lex @ 1:11 pm

Tony raises an interesting question: Is offshoring jobs contributing to the nation’s air-pollution problems?

What’s up?

Filed under: Housekeeping — Lex @ 12:53 pm

Blogger’s servers have seemed incredibly slow the past few days. Anyone know whether they’ve been having any problems? Their own tech blog isn’t reporting any problems, and on this end I don’t seem to be having comparable speed problems anywhere else …

Rainy holiday

Filed under: Odds 'n' ends — Lex @ 12:04 pm

Three tickets to “Home on the Range”: $16.50

Three boxes of candy and two bottles of water: $15

Two hours of peace and quiet with the kids on a torrentially rainy Easter Monday: priceless.

The movie wasn’t that great — Disney certainly has done better — but Hooper and Victoria enjoyed it and I found it at least tolerable.

It’s spring break for the Guilford County Schools, so I’m burning a week of vacation to be home with Victoria. (Hooper’s day care was just closed Monday.) We’re going to do some things together, but for now we’re still trapped indoors by the rain. I’ve got some minor home-improvement projects to attempt, but mainly I’m enjoying not having to be anywhere or do much of anything for the next few days.

Monday, April 12, 2004 9:25 pm

Wonkette unmasked

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 9:25 pm has an interview with Ana Marie Cox, the sneaky snark behind one of my favorite guilty pleasures, Wonkette.

Phred points out that I could probably blog 12 things a day too if I had an intern like she does.

(2007 UPDATE: Look, ma, no interns! On 3/10/2004, I did blog 12 things with no help.)

Sunday, April 11, 2004 9:20 pm

Happy Easter

Filed under: There but for the grace of God ... — Lex @ 9:20 pm

One of the many reasons I’ve stayed a Christian my whole life is that I’m all for a deity Who, despite provocation, refuses to judge you only by your mistakes.

Thursday, April 8, 2004 7:56 pm

We’re going to Disney World

Filed under: Victoria — Lex @ 7:56 pm

We haven’t won the Super Bowl/Indy 500/Masters, so how do I know we’re going to Disney World?

Because Victoria said so. Next year, she said.

And to show she meant it, she put a big jar on the kitchen counter with money in it and a label that read, “MUNE FOR DISUNE WRL”

And I’m OK with that, because next to learning how to delay gratification, learning how to spell is easy.

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