Blog on the Run: Reloaded

Saturday, July 10, 2004 5:12 pm

In which Lex and Snoop catch up

Filed under: Fun — Lex @ 5:12 pm

Lex: So, what’s new?

Snoop: A high school, actually.

Lex: What, near you?

Snoop: Well, no. Chapel Hill is building a new high school. But it’s going to be in Carrboro.

Lex: So are they going to call it Chapel Hill High, or what?

Snoop: I don’t know, but they should call it Carrboro High School … and I know what its mascot should be.

Lex: Uh, the Liberals?

Snoop: Close. The Carrboro Communists.

Lex: Oooooh. I like it.

Snoop: The Fightin’ Commies.

Lex: The marketing possibilities alone are almost limitless.

Snoop: Yeah, I figure the football team could be called the Red Menace. They’d, you know, wear red uniforms.

Lex: Sure. With a hammer and sickle and a star on the helmets.

Snoop: And instead of having their last names on the backs of the jerseys, all the jerseys would just say “labor.”

Lex: Because “proletariat” wouldn’t fit. And, like, the entire athletic program could be called the Global Threat.

Snoop: And at pep rallies there’d be this huge bust of Karl Marx, and the players would all run out of its mouth.

Lex: And they’d call pep rallies mani-FEST-oes.

Snoop: Or maybe the dances.

Lex: And the homecoming king would have to wear this enormous fake bushy beard.

Snoop: And the principal would be called the General Secretary and we’d get all the teachers to call one another “Comrade.”

Lex: I’m sure they’d go for it.

Snoop: Cuz here’s the thing. Everyone thinks of Chapel Hill as liberal. But the truth is, there’s a fair number of limousine liberals and a pretty good base of moderates. But really? All the people you’d think of as Chapel Hill liberals are in Carrboro now.

Lex: So: the Carrboro Commies.

Snoop: Yes. And the alliteration? Really cool, as well.

Lex: And Jesse Helms now has a different town he can wish for people to build a fence around.

Snoop: But the thing is? It wouldn’t matter whether we were serious about proposing this or whether we were joking. Because there’d be a big group of people who’d get upset if we were serious and a big group of people who’d get upset if we were joking.

Lex: So everyone’s a winner.

Snoop: Precisely.

Lex: Excellent. Begin preparing a marketing plan. I’ll alert the media.

Snoop: At once, Comrade!

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